Im a Fake!

"I'm A Fake"

[Spoken:]
Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife

Look at me, you can tell
By the way I move and do my hair
Do you think that it's me or it's not me?
I don't even care
I'm alive
I don't smell
I'm the cleanest I have ever been.
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)

[Chorus:]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x4]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x4]

Do I drink? Do I date?
I've got perfect placement all my ink
Satisfied, in your eyes
I'm the biggest fan I've got right now
I made sure, that I look how I wanted to look
The people around me, the people surround me
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)

[Chorus]

My stomach hurts now, and all tied off in lace
I pray, I beg for anything, to hit me in the face
and this sicknes isn't me, I pray to fall from grace
The last thing I see is feeling
And I'm telling you I'm a fake [x4]
And I'm telling you I'm...

[Chorus]

//so yeah ive been feeling down today, lack of hugs or just sad sad shit. its like i walked around pretty much depressed form the start of my day, was itthe lack of sleep? feeling awkward about candy? not talking much i dont know it slike blah right now.... lack of love?

//who am i to say that ill find some one, but seriously who would want me? ive got nothing to offer besides a some one thats willing to listen to just about anyhting. ive heard a million times before im such a great sweet nice guy, but its just girls onhere.. NOT to say itsa bad thing, i love my buddies on here.

//sometimes its like i just want to be left alone and not bothered, id be scream to someone that wants to talk to me "LEAVE ME ALONE." when im less depressed and wanting to talk but not a lot, ill want to beg for hugs or something. and I KNOW theres times where id probably say anything to get into my chick buddies pants, if i wasnt soo uhh bleh about that.

//so what to report about my day? no hugs no love nothing fun or entertaining about my day. odd people talked to me, got wierd questions asked its like YEAH lave me alone please, nothing to do right noow, just resting wish Marta would get back on, i miss her.

love in antics

Interpol-Antics http://www.interpolny.com

1. no exit


2. Evil


3. Narc


4. Take You On A Cruise


5. Slow Hands


6. Not Even Jail


7. Public Pervert


8. C'mere


9. Length Of Love


10. A Time To be So Small

i was thinking about that cd, i was thinking wether to get that cd or turn on the bright lights, both good cds i guess but i like more songs off hte other cd, but FUCk it was like 15$. i love their sound, im not sure but mtv calls em post punk with a dark sound. iveonly heard the song slow hands a hand full or less.. times, it was ok but i cant go on my gut feeling- usually a wrong decision. and theres always my feeliung that i havnt goten any heavy stuff or emo stuff in my music.. so yeah i opted to get the Useds' new cd

The used-In love And Death www.theused.net
1.Take it away
2.I Caught Fire
3.Let it Bleed
4.All ive Got
5.Cut Up Angles
6.Listening
7.Yesterday's Feelings
8.Light With A Sharpened Edge
9.Sound Effects And Overdramatics
10.Hard To Say
11.Lunacy Fringe
12.Im A Fake

YES i bought the new the used cd, im so in love with it. well yes, how different is it form the old stuff, lets just say its like.. DIFFERENT. theres like 3 songs with major distortion in it its kind of, uhh out of the ordinary for the used, its like they are heavy, Oh yeah theres like only 3-5 songs where thers screaming its kind of a put down. i still love the cd, its a gret mellow-outer.

so yeah my day was ok, i had to wear my unifrom- them boots were killing me. umm lets see anything important, i guess Michelle(redhead) is back, she weas gone because of her back cause she got ina car crash, umm most the senoirs were gone today because of the feildtrip , like it was for higher lit classes i was ina remedial calss so i didnt go. HEy i infished up my EmoPot :-D

Stuff on my mind, nothin really just how much wearin a uniform sucks and the next time Beth is gunna call. love me kill me Call me ok? haha LOVE YOU PEOPLE THAT READ THIS(Marta Nikki!!)

sept/28/04 cont.

continuing from the entry earlier yeah i had to go, father came home and i asked to go to est buy, that was an interesing trek, yeah i had to hurry and shuit this comp off and run out, so yeah we got there,i started looking around for the used's new cd. i saw Shadows fall-7.99 interpol-9.99 and some other cds i wanted but didnt get. meh stuff well yeah when i went to checkout the chick at the counter was like is dork a clothing label now? its like ha no its just a beenie, umm i like dher classes itslike indie lookin but theres other colours on it besides black. um so yeah my day
//umm rotc fun fun fun stuff, hah not really i found out i was posed to be teaching the class on marine security guard,-im gunna see MG tomorrow on that stuff . yeah Kelly and Jeff made the class go down to the feild house and do this weird "sharing project" its like w sat ina cirlcle sharing a secret or sumething no one else knows about you or sumthing like that, i talked about how i got killed at ozzfest during lamb of god, umm yeah some funnie stuff got talked about. well whent aht was doen we went bac uopp to the ROTC room and reviewed what they talked about. yes yes yess on the way to Drawing, nothign happened.
// yes drawing was ok, just worked ont he perspective thing again, checked out Brenda, its like blah no fun really. well thats it for that.
YES marta as inspired me to change my entries, she says to write about stuff on your mind not what you done the whole day. i guess i will i guess it all depends. well im outie for now

(: hoodie weather :)

Latest Updates from xXxillusnofsafetyxXx
its beutiful outside and no one will go for a walk with me:( come on now its amazing hoodie weather!!!!! WHO DOESNT LIKE HOODIE WEATHER! my life is very uneventful now that all i do is go to school and work. someone come kidnapp me and take me to italy......that be nice...but id settle for a quick run to taco bell. so hey ____ come over now!
hopefully the halloween thing goes through!
Posted 9/27/2004

hell yeah its a beautifull day out, i love the breeze and the sun out is soo soo pretty.haha thats enough of my blahness
\\this morning eah woke a min b4 my alarms went off, i listened to mancow, got ready bleh-wore my dickies shirts, slipknot shirt and my M:T hoodie, and in my cd player THe used-maybe memories and in my little cd case THeused-self and GreenDay-international super hits.
//so yeah when i got to school i droped my shit off at the band room then started walking, i went down past the lunch again and when down the busisines hall, i was spacing out and didnt notice myt good bud Kirk there, he had his MCR cd in his hand i asked to look at it, i did we talked about stuff and the Im not OK video. then me and him got to the old hang out and hung out, Kirk saw me checkin out brenda as she walked by hes like shes in y first per class i sit by her or next to her now. meh me and kirk and josh talked a while. yeah went to band with kirk and thems, i talked to kirk a little then Kelly came by and me and her talked fora while thn we departed when she saw the wilco guys leaving. i saw tom on the way to the band room so i messed with him when i walked by.
// band bleh didnt do anything. i sat there and drew some shit -antismoking and anit-meat stuff and some uhh perspective stuffs, i still gota finish that. umm i listened to the used threw out the whole per then during the last min in class jeff fucked with me and wouldnt give me my cd case. bleh hes mean.
//umm ceramics i worked on my pinch pot fora while, i worked ont he details on my pot uh carved out a broken heart, i wanted to show it to teacher and shee if there was anything else i should do it b4 puting it in the locker, i showed my pot to cassie, and then i put it on my box. bleh cleaned up. OHh teacher got pissy at tsome kid today, its like she was talking and the guy got up while she was talking and did stuff, shes like im writing you up. soo mean but they talked it over i guess.
//Hey beth called again, thatwe as a fun 25mins.
// yeah world issues we finished the holocaust video, iwas sleeping for like 10-15mins of it but its liek some stuff was real interesting.. its like WOO put my head up lean back on the wall put my beenie on.. fun intersting stuff.
// consumers,meh nothing really eh chcked the work sheets and the terms.
// lunch.. umm talked about the whole sodoy witht a hose thing again, i had chips cookie and a soda.. yumms right? umm the kids at my table messed with me. :-(
// blehlah homeroom just talked nothign to whild, talked about the whole hose thing, umm talked about brandons act at work and oh yes me and yes yes me and dimmu bogir.
ugh bleh lah.... lah lha lah
//

I feel loved

my bud Nikki im SOo in love with her right know. on her blog (thexxunforgiven) shes mentioned me in each one of her entries so far. its like ahh i love Nicole its like shes the girl i talk to the most 2nd to Marta. yeah Love.. oh oh oh im nervous about this afternoon my other ohio girl Bethany said she would call me today around the afternoon. i bet theres something in the water in Ohio it slike lota fun tings come out of there NIkki Meghan, Bethany, Samm and my other buddie Cass i LOOVVEE them soo much
so today was ok, nothing wild happened.woke up listned to mancow, yeah got ready for school(had my shadows fall shirt on my jnco shorts on and my usual osirises) so yeah i go tmy stuff and pt it down stairs and waited to go, i had my bleeding through cd in my cd player and in my little cd case Avenged sevenfold and devildriver.
//at school when i got there i droped off my stuff at the band room and i saw MrA. at the door when i walked in iwa slike dont talk to me dont talk to me-and he didnt! yay. you know whose really pretty? MeganS and ShannonB... so back to my morning- so i walked out of the band room, i was lookin around the corner to lookfor MRa. i didnt see him :D so i made my way past the lunch room iwas talking to Tom about how i was hiding from the bandteacher. i made my way to the old hangout with the old "gang" hung out with them fora while, then like a min b4 the 5min bell i went down by the litte theater i saw Candy and kinda hung out with her fora while-i just stood there and asked her about homecomeing(Nicci was askin her about it already so i put my cents in). then i patted her shoulder and made my way to band.
//band sat there did nothing umm after the paying was done, i had my ear buds on and my beenie on fora while that was fun-IM NOT SORRIE BOUT TOMORROW IM NOT SORRIE ABOUT TODAY!- haha that was funie. i saw sam walk by she went over to Paula's blankie and pillow and got all cumfy-cough- iwas staring at her ass-cough- yeha yeeah nice..
// oh ceramics, i put my guitar in the backrom to dry up and stuff and then get fired later. ahh i worked on mypinch pot i already pinched it out so i carved some details into it... emo stuff. um talked to Bill a little and Steve- that was midly entertaining.
//umm yes world issues, not much... hey... Jessi lynn and a ice dildo.. oh god im soo hard.. haha oh yeah world issues- meh not much checked grades journal-the best time you had with your bestfriend. ahh yesh i talked to tom a little bit its like Tom your my friend right... but not the same soul. umm yeah we watched a video on the holocaust, i was tryin my best not to fall asleep. ahh giess thats it.
//consumers meh not much i finished my packet not much else. umm yeah meh, jasmine said Bye to me as she walked away.
//lunch sodomy rocks fucked up shit but it was funn, i had uhh fritoes twisted stuffs, lays a cookie and some code red mtdew, ummm ron gave me some pringles and then he gave me like the litle broken peices at the bottom of the can, i gave some to matty she was still alittle hungry. umm i duno that sit i guess
//hey bethany called me. its like cool her voice is yumy kinda like Kelly's voice but a bit higher pitched.
\\ so yeah blah yeah homeroom, sat ther eand talked to brandon abour stuff like music the weekend boring stuff i dont remmeber.. umm yeah bleh stuff.
//ROTC that was ok just kind of sat there while JeffL and kelly taught the class. we did a little questionare adn talked about it tho whole. meh thats it i gues i really dont feel like typin alot today..
Foot Notes

1. I miss marta SO much
   
2. i love her alot tooo
   
3. I loves my Nikko too
   
4. Mondays are mundane
   
5. .. Jony?.... ding idng ing
   

breathing

"Breathing"

Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own//

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight//

Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt//

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight//

I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight//

How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away//

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight//

I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight

not much happened today i woke up around 11 and watched tv, then after a while i went downstars and ate then i did some chores umm yeah blah. yeah i miss my girl Marta! ive gota check out some other peoples blogs/Xangas/jornals today. well maybe. so yeah Marta went to Ednfest im soo jealous of her iwant to see some fun indie bands. my buddie Nixon isnt feeling to well emotionally im trying my best to make her feel better, i guess its working i dunno. wells im bored. im gunan to talk to NIxon some more, yeah no foot notes again

SIN TAXES

so yeah who knows what a sin tax is?.. its not colected form your paycheck-cough- though they should since people usualy ask if your a smoker/alcoholic or not-cough- sin tax is the tax you play when you buy alcohol or Cancer sticks. i dont really now how much the tax is on them, but i assume its like anywhere from 10-13% of the umm sticker price. BUT i think that the more you buy smokes and booze you should have to pay more on that smokes and beer. if you want to kill your self slowly at least realize that your gunn have to pay in some way or form, might as well make it now than later-cough-Funeral-cough-
PAY!! BASTARDS PAY DIG YOUR FUCKING GRAVE.

BOOOREEDDD i havnt done shit all day becuase im soo fucking sore from Friday.

hey the hew the used cd is out THIS tuesday

oh shit today is my homecomeing.. if i was going id be all scared getin ready and shit.

lets just say i have better things to do than dance and have a dinner with a million people i hate seein in school

HEAD BANGERSBALL!

so yeah i woke up , struggled out of bed, took a shower,

ate

played guitar

watched tv

uhh

sturggled to get out of my futon

icame down here and watched tv.

thats it.

no foot notes

Rule of Honor

who ever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward, who ever can not take care of himself with out that law is bothfor a wounded man shall say to his assaliant " if i live i shal kill you if i die you are forgiven" such is the rule of honor

I LOOOOVVVEE MY MARTI PARTI

so ive had an interesting day, i woke up listening to the radio-just commercials nothin really, got ready left like usual. i had my virgin mary red deftones shirt on my ChorUSa jeans on, i was listneing to the used on the way to school -continued from whatever track i was on that from the night b4 and i had my PT stuff with me because theres PT today for once.

yeah i hung out with my old buddies today, i saw jimmy and candy around but i really didnt say anything to thems, yeah when i walked into the schoool i had to drop off my stuff in my locker because yeah iwasnt gunna carry that sutff around with me all day till 6thper

-TIRES TO REMEMBER THE EVENTS-

so yeah i like waved to Cadny as i walked past her on my way to jazz band

umm yeah sectionals in band, Jerimah didnt wanna play today so he did constitution work, umm ive gotta take that test still. yeah when i walked there was this kid layin on the floor using his arms as a pillow tryin to sleep, i thik his name was doug. its like i just sit there for there hr then when every one was done playing atleast the kids in the band room, Jeff came ocer and talked a bit and drew in my sketch book it was ok, he drew me homeless ina box, umm yeah i lisendt o my the used cd(just one song and choke me) umm yeah,there were like osme guys in the back talking about stuff about how one kid was late, but he really wasin tthere was an accidnet along webber umm stuff i guess thats that. i looked at sams friend on the way into class , she had a franz shirt on but the logo was backwords.. that was cool. i sat by the door b4 the bell rang. oh yeah theres no 2nd per today-because of the fucking pep/homecoming asembelly 7th per.

off to 2nd/7ht per it wasnt a big strech for me it was right next door to my 2nd per class but its like i had to go threw my 2ndper door cause th door to drawing was blocked off because they were desiging shit on it

so yeah drawing was ok i finally ifnished my bag Geeze my first bag i mean., yeah i saw a bunch of people com in becuse thwy werw working on the door, Brittany S and Anthony but he was jus taking pics, oh oh me and Britt talked i miss her soo much, i told her :-p she had a flash thing from a camera it was kinda fucked up but cool, she got me acouple times with it, after we talked she was like im guna go get my stuff and get goin or sumthin like that. umm yeah there was this one chick siting at the table to my far left, she had a sweat shirt warped around her, i looked up she had that warped around her becuse you could se her thong -wink wink- haha im such a guy.

uh on the way to world issues meh not much, i stood int he hall a while umm i was kinda blocking the way because there were some teahers in the way tlaking too so i moved and let people in, so i went in and uh did stuff? i dont remember really. i remember there was stuff with Cj like he swore and we tried to keep him out of the class room Woo.

So yeah in world issues we had a vocab quiz that was ok i got a 100% on it so im happy. um yeah after we went to the library for silent reading, um picking book iwas all bent over tryin to get this Conservationists book, delila was behind me- she was like man yea your butt is all up on me or whatever- hah i thought that was funnie- after she said that iwa slie you knowyou liked it. haha. i grabed hot rod magazine and conservationists, i dont know what i as doing witht he Conservationsit magazine i guess cause ima tree hugger, i read most of the hot rod magazine- some cool stuff from some shop outside of chicago. so yeah i sat down reading the HRM, bleh, mr hill walked aroud giving out some dumdums for peoples that got 100% or higher (Extracredit) on the vocab, i got one :-P. i was jus stitin there mos the time staring at whatever ass walked in(NOT DOOD ASS) and delila's ass so its like Schwing.. haha i sw a cheerleader and like 2 ghetto girls and one preppy chick walk in so iwas thouroughly -cough-... so yeah taht was done i put my magazines away.

on the way to consumers, i droped off my shit and went outin the hall way, i saw matty-she punched me lightly and smiled as she walked away. umm saw ron too. then iwaited in the hallway thats like the hall way for the library,i saw kate and kinda jumped huged her. eventually the passing per was almost up Candy came by and shes like since theres like min left she huged me quick and went off.. iwas thinking about what she said the whole day.

so yeah consumers i think we just talked about uh uh uh uh chap 5 and taxes he asked kids to red and uhh asked questions-iwas messin around with my pen and he asked me what some fucking term was. so yeah the perwent on like that, asnwering questions and doing terms(i ony had 2 to do) so yeah that was it.. ah yeah i talked to katie abit when we went up to check our grades from the test the otherday or whenever- i talked to her a bit about how i hit my face on her book, she said a warning is good. yea thats it.

on the way to lunch, meh nothin really

yeah lunch, i had a hot dog a bag of chips-fritoes tiwsted barbque and my umm cherry pepsi. just say and talke dabout shit i really dont remember umm.. Matty ha da sharpie with her today its like she was drawing on shit and i showed th epeoples at the table my sharpie and we talked about thems. um bleh i gues thas it for that.

so yeah on tehe way to homeroom i had to get my PT stuff from my locker whetn to my homeroom droped my stuff off then i went out in the hall and stood there, saw Candy, brandon wlked by and handed me a tattoo, i was like wTF? Cadny was like put it on my locker and she told me what to do iwas like NO and threw it in her locker, the bll rang when i did that so i strolled in slowly.

homeroom yeah just talked ot the zach kid then th one kid(not zach) left and then zach left the the non zach kid came back was like whered he go? so yeah me and brandon talked with ourstlves fora while, we talked about the Soulfly dvd coming out and who was in seplatura still and max and non max seplatura fans.umm brandon asked me what i did with the tatto iwas like i threw it in candice's locker.. Who? i threw it in candys locker hes like ahh umm. umm yeah thats it. i guess.

umm yes ROTC i dont feel like typing baout that jus because yeah there was alota stuffa about it . ill just type about what we did after PT. ok we PT-ed and then we went back up into the ROTC room to do whatever, in the changing room i messed with Jim-s cause he hated the smell of my oldspice. Muhaha.

ok in theroom i sat loked at stuff looked at shanon she looked quite exceptionally pretty to day i guess cause sh was kinda depressed. well ok

yeah it was Shannon and Kelly-belle's bday on sunday so every one was like Happy birth day to ems. umm on t my next though

yeah Kimmy was singing ad quite horribly, then like Kim nd kelly were singing songs they really liked and were kind of old. after a while kelly got real annoyed by kims singing we kept tryin to shut her up, but they were still playfull. dana had a roll of duct tape on her for some reason, its like Oh use that, she used it on her still first tho, then went afer kimm, they wrestled her a bit then she got all pissy cause Dana pulled on her hair and she didnt like that. so its like they wre jus messing around with the stuff,

this is when Kimy started sining, it was quite intertaining, kelly sang too that was cool i guess eventho i didnt like the song, oh yeah Kimm started walking around and singing, MORE importantly she was up on me sining, i dunno if thats a bad or a good thing. um

i pulled my beenie outa my bag put that on and put my bandana on , shannon asked me if iwas leaving iwa slike No.. i asked jim-s ifhe was leavin early, no whells iwa slike hows james-l leavin? val his new gf, i laughed and ROy and TIRsh started talking to him about some other Val. ahh yes i guess thast it.

yeah on the way to drawing Kelly was like walk with me .. so i did, i asked her stuff and once we got to her locker iwa slike im gunna get goin, iwas gunna jus pat her shoulder but she went for the gusto and huged me..((thats 3 total hugs today)) yeah wehtn to my 7th per class. then there was the gay h gayyh gayhhhh assembelly.

i saw Josh, Anna, Brittany, meh i dont wanna talk about it it was lame.

shit, i missed the bus. anna beged some kid for their car, so yeah thats that. i dont wanna talk about it its lame.

FOot Notes

1. I LOVE MARTI
2. i love NIkki too
3. i love hugs
4. Im edge

Drain you

Drain You

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One baby to another says -

I'm lucky to have met you

I don't care what you think

Unless it is about me

It is now my duty to completely drain you

A travel through a tube

And end up in your infection


Chew your meat for you

Pass it back and forth

In a passionate kiss

From my mouth to yours

I like you


With eyes so dialated,

I've become your pupil

You've taught me everything

Without a poison apple

The water is so yellow, I'm a healthy student

Indebted and so grateful -

Vacuum out the fluids


Chew your meat for you

Pass it back and forth

In a passionate kiss

From my mouth to yours

I like you

You (x5)


One baby to another says -

I'm lucky to have met you

I don't care what you think

Unless it is about me

It is now my duty to completely drain you

A travel through a tube

And end up in your infection


Chew your meat for you

Pass it back and forth

In a passionate kiss

From my mouth to yours

Sloppy lips to lips

You're my vitamins

I'm like you


speakin of being drained, im dead tired.
Um i adore my lovly Marta
soo woke up today caught up in a dream
in the spider webs of lost memory and blod line of the dead..
went to school i did my new routine see my old buddies then see my new buddies, usually Jimmy first then i see Candy b4 i leave to go to the band room- usually give her a hug too. i stood with Candy a litle while b4 leaving i was bitching about how i was sleepy then i left saying im gunna go sleep now. i dont remember seeing any one on the way to band its like umm i think i saw tom again and talked to him
um yeah jazz band it was ok i reelly didnt feel like drawing too much so i followed along on the sheet music. blah no real fun. when we were done i listned to some Nirvana and drew.
Oh yeah the senoir servers.. wow thats all i gota say. well yeah i saw lota ROTC and kids i new as slaves-JeffL JohnyW um Ann Natilie oh yeah kalen shannon michelle cassie and lots of other buds, oh wow.
ceramics meh it was ok teacher talked fora while on glaxing-stuff i already knew about. umm i worked on my pinch pot talked to teach see if it was a good pot then talked to bill about sumthing i dont really remember, and then i wroked on my guitar again finalizing some little details. umm i guess im done with that per. umm on the way to world issues i saw jim and talked to him umm yeah b4 wold issues iwas standing outside the hdoor putin on my rings and Mrs Hillwas lookin at me wierd, i was like I had pottery last per, went in to class yeah.
we did some book work not a lot just .. like 20 questions then we watched some School house rock video that was fun :-) umm me and jim talked a bunch, i threw stuff at josh. bleh i guess thats it.
uhh consumers i threw my stuff on my chair and went out in the halway and waited i guess for candy, i warped my arms around her she kinda liend back cause i had my arms around her neck basically..-thinks about Candy- yeah consumers i had lolly pop when i walked into the class and teacher was like take the lolly pop out so i chomped down on it and threw away my beloved stick that i like to suck on and think im smoking. meh test then i did my terms on the comp its like the first time ive ever done that. yeah lunch
on the way kate poked me with her pen iwa slike hi she said hi back i think we talked a little i dont really remember, umm lunch i had a hotdog chips and a soda, umm tralked abut stuff i really dont tremember, Matty's texting of a asshole umm birthdates.. umm what else? umm thats all i can remember. on the way to homeroom umm nothin oh yeah yeacher asked.. see your name. iwas like nah.
um homeroom was ok talked to that zach kid(no hangin out in the hallway today) umm that kid did some weird shit, we talked about music and shit bleh not much else.
um ROTC MG got all mad for some reason and left us to do the work by ourselfs. so we did work on the packet with jeff leading the way- after a while we got caught up in stuff talking about other things. lests just say people got talked about and some people cried and Jeff is too seirous and should smile . umm what else is there? ill leave it to that for that period. Drawing!!
yeah drawing just worked on the bag again.. wooo. bleh on the way to the bus 0 sw Cadny waved at her Saw kelly we kinda touched hands quick and on the BUS yeah anna looked funnie.. HOme.. umm yeah nothin,
Foot notes

1. i love marta!
   
2. I love Nikki too
   
3. im edge but eah ima guy.
   

el centro comercial

I FINALLY GOT TO GO TO THE MALL
well yeah it wasnt too long in the mall/hot topic
we got there around 10 after the hr, my dad was like only 10mins right in hot topic. iwa slike uhh (in my head)
so i walked around got tomy fave store in the mall. oh oh i looke around one of the sales associates asked me HOws it goin iwas like Great man.. walked around looked around went to the cds first tho, then looked ar the trinkets-shoe laces mainly and the wierd stockings in the back of the store. i then went up front near the counter looked at the stickers pins and patches, i wasnt really interested in them but yeah one of the cloerks asked me if i waned to look at them, iwa slike why not and i asked for the atreyu one and i started talking to her about how awesome ozzfest was. she was like i wanna see Bimmu Borgir(she said it wrong) and see their fun costumes and slayer- i was like i left just b4 dimmu. i told her about how i got kicked i the head during atreyu- sh ewas lke talking about how she likes to enjoy the show and hang out by the bar- i then said it was at tweeter center she said she had to work durin the day of the show. oh yeah i had a shadows fall cd in my hand, i asked for a wallet chain too, but i had to return the cd, at checkout the guy there was like you didnt get the shadows fall cd, the chick there was like yes the chian was too important, and talked aobut the frequent buyers card and told me get like a pin or sumthin but i didnt so blah. yeah that was my time at the mall

mindless ness

roam the halls oblivious of the surrounding activities you say nothing, do nothing.
School bites, you'd rather be a vampier out in the sun light.
school sucks school sucks.. the people suck all you really wanna do is talk and get some girl to ... suck...
Minless ness and insanity of school

Like it?
I LOVE MARTA!
so yeah woke up kind alate, listneed to radio after i got ready for school and shit.
got ont he bus.. no fun got to school that was ok. i droped off my shit at the band room, then i went walking.. oh yeah i had to dress for success(or not) i had my formal pants, nice button down shirt and my usual osirises on.. walked around i saw the "old gang" by the spot hung around there fora while then i went around down by the old junior hall i saw tom, i talked to him fora whle-talked about the new greenday cd and stuff i punched him talked, i saw jimmy with val and some people- we talked a little Matty was there she was like HI and fliped me off, talked to jimmy a while, then i left went by the little theater and saw candy i huged her real quick just said hi and was off, i smacked her lower back quick too she as like Ouch, i said sorry.
yeah on the way to the band room, i saw tom again stood with him and talked a little Liz was there too she had a TBS shirt on i was like you get the new TBS cd tom? shes like no they suck now or whatever did that fora while then went to band..
band no fun sat there drawing some SxE stuff, uh yeah Sam was there today :-) but sams friednt wasnt :-( haha oh oh oh yeah i talked to sams friend yesterday.. Oh her voice is soo soo nice, it slike low but not so low but it was cute. yeah yeah yeah, sam got her hair cut and blonden-ed some more.. umm stuff i cant remember much, i listened to some Atreyu and talked to jeff a little.
um ceramics. no fun really, Beth's toga looked cool(toga day aty my school, i saw quite alot) i just worked on the fretboard on my guitar again. umm steve talked talked to some kids listned to some kids talk to eachother. its like blah. um i didnt see Cassie dress for sucess.
world issues uh adverbs no fun really, well yeah and jim threw paper balls at eachother and at some people taht was mildly entertaining. ummm yeaah.. we went up to the board to do stuff yeah yeah to put up answeres for the questions in the book. um yeah for like 10 mins b4 the end of the class we got tome to ourselves to talk, that was fun too.
umm consumers notta lota just worked ona review, didnt get to see candy b4 the per because some gayyh ass rentacop told me to go to my class. yeah i talked to jasmine a little, no one elese besides that, oh teah Dan kid talked to me and got answeres for the review, i gave answerws to jasmine too. umm no fun
um on the way to lunch eh notta lotta,and lunch not a lot either just sat there and ate, played with some pringles cover and a coin near the end of the per. i had 2 cookies a hotdog and my slice and b4 the end othe per i got a bottle of water.
Homeroom this one kid name zach was in our per, me him branon and the one kid talked fora while, see what bands he like dand just dumb shit, the one ghetto/not so ghetto chick infront of me turned around questioned our soical status- that was pretty odd. umm well yeah taht was that.
onthe way to ROTC i saw kelly we walked and talked, i saw Sam too i waved to her. uh yeah me and Kelly walked to ROTC we got there all late i hate how far the 900 rooms are. so yeah MG made us read our essays in front of the class, sum funn stuff, Allison woke me up when she screamed YAY or whatever at the end of her essay.. um i went up its like uhh crappy essay.. yeah when we were done we were talking that was mildly entertaining. um for some reason after ally's essay Hollie turned beat red. on the way out Kelly wasnt liking her heels, it was kinda funie but she wanted me to carry her to class. YUH
Drawing, same old same old shit. nothing really out of the ordinary. umm yeah on the way out i saw anna and some guys takin a pic so i waited a sec b4 i said bye to Anna. um home not much blah stuff

Foot notes

1. i love/miss marta
   
2. School was fine
   
3. Sleepy ness is addictive
   
4. IM Edge
   

Kurt and Allyson

Kurt and Aly were boyfriend and girlfriend, they have been together since thier years in high school. Kurt was in jazz band playing guitar/bass/precussion and Aly was a stunning redhead in advanced placement classes. Kurt was an ok kid he never got into huge trouble but got bull shit for being who he was, Ally was a good kid also but has done some not so smart things in her past with old friends and boyfriends. kurt and ally meet in school , saw eachother in class hallways and gradually started hanging out at the mall and other places.
Kurt prused his dreams of playing in a band but didnt quite make it and played in jazzband for four years, he eventaully started a fice piece set with a few buds and Ally at his side at each show and practice cheering him on and flashing her goods. Kurt continued his education as well as his music going to college geting is associates degree (insert major/field of interest) and having an EP put out on Victory Rec.
Ally also continued her education, she got into the best schools and got the best grades. she stuck with her schoolings wish help from Kurt. Kurt did everything he could to make sure Ally did her work and make the grade, he stayed up late helped her do her work, picked up books supplies and cooled the occasional meal.
Kurt and Ally were together and happy. kurt had droped out of school and prused a career in music. he had a show every night for the past few months and was signed to a huge major label and had 2 full length albums out. Ally had been working at a local musem as a art historian(all i can think of) Kally worked days and did school at night. Kurt and Ally never saw eachother the only sign of one another in their nice apartment on the edge of the city was their dirty laundry, warm amplifers and folders and books of work, they had agreed to do eachothers laundry every few days.they had called eachother every week or so to plan some type of nigh together, but the plans always fell through at the last mintue.
Kurt had taken a rest from... ....

WILL FINISH EVENTUALLY

so thats my story i had a different one i wrote for 11thgr lit.. lets jsut say i got fun, awkard, shocked reactions. just a warning if you dont like sad stories with lots of bullshit between the 2 main characters dont read any more of my stories.
ILOVE MARTA!
so yeah i woke up to my tv n radio this time there was no mancow so its ok. listened to avengedsevenfold on the way to school.. at school i threw my shit in my locker cause i thought after the assembly we would go striaght to 2nd per. so i loked around for people to hang out with, i saw Jimy with Val and Val's bud i hung out with them fora while then i went and hung out with brandon, i saw Candy ireally didnt tlak to her till i left for jazz band, i gave her a hug-i tired to hug her from behind but she tturned around and got one arm around me, it was cool. went to Jazz band on the way here i saw kelly we walked and talked a bit sh was goin to wilco, well she sgined the sign in sheet and i was on my way, i asked for a hug, got a quick one and left.
we stayed in there til the principle called our classroom.. he didnt call us he just said which ever room that hasnt been called should go. i stood a tthe door a while b4 we got acllaed i saw uhh my homeroom teach, i waved at her. umm
the assembly sucked i sat with Jeff and Jerimah there was just stuff about homecoming and shit
back to 1st per because we had a little bit of each per till 4b were its back to normal. well tried to sleep talked to Jeff a while then like 2mins b4 the bell i stood by the door and occasionally talked to the kids, talked to one blonde chick a little and talked to Sam's friend, talked about kill hannah, shes a sophomore-i was thinking about that the rest of the day.. and how im gunna be gone soon, she talked about the concert at themetro on sat and uhh stuff i think i cant quite remember.
ceramics we read about glazes and shit not much else about htat.
uh world issues that was fun adjectives uh fun? its like blah uhh not much i really cant remember
consumers a speaker cme in and talked for the per. b4 the per i stood out in the hallway as usual i saw candy so i wnet over and messed with her a little, i saw Jasmine too i asked her she was feeling, she didnt seem as sick today.. um thats it.
lunch, not lota fun i had fries and a soda, brandon and tom talked, isaw matty b4 the bell and said hi to her. i kind atalked to ron but yeah bleh.
Homeroom was ok talked to brandon about shit, on the way there i saw Candy we talked on the way to homeroom i gave her a mint i just kinda said bye and i was off. bleh brandon was ok today, he hates soo much stuff i like talked about movies and dvds comin out.
ROTC we had soem drill because like 5 people hadnt gone yet. then we went back to the room in the annex MG talked about stuff then we were left to our own devices. umm Hollie she kind of hand her chin on m shoulder. yeah iwas staring at her all threw out RO. OHHkay Michlle Dana and Hollie were booty bumpin eachother.. i turned around and was like UGH do i have to seperate you 3? (michele on my right and dana on my left and Hollie was int he middle) i moved hollie ou the middle and stood there, THAT WAS MY MISTAKE Dana and Michlle booty bumped me, i got scared.. umm thats it .. on the way to drawing i was walking along tryint to catch upto some peoples (Hollie, Kelly) talked a little with Kelly and Hollie but Hollie slapped my gut :(
Went to drawing.. didnt notice much didnt do much, told Mikie about how Hollie slaped me Mikes like what you do iwa slike Nothin.. whatever worked on that paper bag again today. i have to restart athat again. bleh i read that book again thats in teh classroom..
i guess thats it i saw anna ont he buss that was cool Home did my home work already. thats it.. i think im gunna go change ina few and play some guitar.

FOOT NOTES

1. I love marta
2. School assemblies suck
3. school is interesting sometimes
4. STRAIGHT FXXING EDGE

the rules

"The Rules"Years ago I lost my guard.Ever since it's been hardStanding up like a man, like a father,Understand that all I doIs not enough for myself.I am tough on myself.I need to freeze, I need direction, aw please...Show me all the rules girl,I just want to get 'em wrongShow me all the rules girl,I just want to belong.First I'm gonna sing my songI try to do what is right,I try to win without a fight.From time to time I turn aroundTo their gun on the ground.I try to seek more than this...A nice smile, a wet kiss.Don't want to miss what I'm looking for,But it's behind your door.Show me all the rules girl,I just want to get 'em wrongShow me all the rules girl,I just want to belong.
right the rules- Ben Kweller is awsome he makes my indie bones quiver. Like i was saying Rules, im gunna make my entries like start with a fun story or a song.. more likely tho lyrics.
me and marti had an awkward talk last night it worried me alittle.. umm i felt like a bad bf.. haha
IVE HAD A ROUGH DAY!!!!!.. no not really.
uhh i woke up with mancow.. his show in interesting i was listening to some weird stuff he had playing,then my tv came on listened to radio/watched tv... funn. after i got ready i listened to the radio again , they had music news on-they were talking about titney Spear's wedding umm cd sles and how corey taylor "is dead".
School i spent like a second with Jim then a few mins with the old gang. then i walked with ron down to the hall way with the gym and the band room in it, talked, Hollie said hi we talked a little had my arm around her :-P. got there i saw Tom i screamed at him talked a little--Ill find out all the stupid shit about you!.
jazz band, attempted to draw something inthere its was like a shelf on the wall- i couldnt get the bars on it just right.. argg. umm i listend to my modest mouse cd while i drew - i let Jeff listen to some of it, hes like whats that? he was suprized when i told him i like MM. samm as doing funnie stuff.. -shyly- i was staring at her..
Ceramics carved some more on my guitar. i saw Johnny W. come in and i said hi to him, showed him my guitar umm i said hi to kalen uhh i flicked water at Beth... -hugsself-Beth and AhsleyJ. looked nice today ummm i guess thats it.
world issues. CJ said like a fox so i smakced him with my folder for grades. ohh i hung out with james b4 the per asked him how is weekeend was.. he said it was Nice.. haha. bleh did grammar. umm tahts it i guess
World issues stood int he hall way, came in messed with jasmine a little-she was sick today :-(. uhh we did resumes today and and and and did intreviews-that was entertaining... meh Geremy was weird as usual, Jasmine yet sick was still hot.. umm thats it i guess..
lunch. not much.. oh yeah i saw candy, isaid hi to her.. no hug bummer.
Home room. i noticed candy walking beside me while i was lookin up the stars on the senior "hallway", we converstated a bit not much tho then stood in the hallway as she grabed her stuff outa her locker,went into the class room. we had a sub today, what a fucking concept sub for a homeroom.. he was asking all these weird questions and shit it freaked me out, brandon is like duude hes awsome hes funnie and shit its like Hes senile man. me and brandon talked about stuff Kurt Cobain and yeah teh sub entertaining.
ROTC hollie went to do her thing on the Birthday Ball, i drew on my folder to entertain myself and stay awake. KElly i saw her on the way to RO i ran infront of her she poked me im like Kelly.. shjes like ohh no its.. i dont really remember. yeah ROTC we talked rest of the per it was interesting, umm Kelly talked about her h/c/prom dress shes like oh no your blushing and stoped talking about it, messed with lesher about his outfit-he had htis greaser look on and there were"ciggs" stuffed under this sleeve- iwa slike write cancer sticks on em. um what else? MG was talking about how we should get a petition started up for a messhall day or sumthing.. its like a party for the upperclassmen(jnrs snrs) with certain activities so i really didnt really care much for it.
on the way to drawing i saw this kid with marker on his face im like dude its on your jaw hes like uhh and shaked it off i guess hell take care of it later. i messed with Kelly and Hollie on the way too. umm Drawing was ok nothing too exciting happened we started a new drawing it was a bag with lots of shading on it- i messed it up :-(. so yeah we walked around a couple times its like yeah im goin slow, but i guess we were posed to take our time, i know i was. some chick had her birthday today so we "greeted" her a happy birthday umm.. thats all i can remember
i stood by kelly's locker and talked a little then yeah i was off to the bus. not much after that besides get home sleep snack on chips and get snuffed by my father. so thats nearly 3-4 weeks of no mall.. it slike BAHH fuck you!
in conclusion

1. My marta is the word to me :-P
   
2. School is bullishhh
   
3. i dont care about stuff any more
   
4. Edge
   

... hey its sunday

Marti i love you honey!
so yeah i didnt do much today. i woke up around 11 stayed in bed fora long while then igot up and took a shower. i didnt really do much after that- played gutiar, uhh i had lunch/breakfast and other stuff i donr remember. i listened to some L.O.G and then i listed to some Shadows fall.... guitar then im on here oh yeah i went outside and riped out some grass near one of the trees. still no mall, i miss it :-( i wanna go so bad. well im off so im gunan read my Sarah(ultragrrl's) blogger and some xanga (indian_in_your_eyes) its a productive day haha sure
blah blahs

1. i love my marta!
   
2. what happened last night?
   
3. 4 cds come out next tues i need money
   
4. ilove my buddie Nikki too
   
5. IM edge!
   

a new day arises

I like blogger better than uhh my old site.
MARTA! LIKE THE NEW SITE?
I looves my Marta haha.. yess i will still be doing that

so yeah i got my usua 7hrs of sleep during the weekend. i took like a 30min shower for some reason today, i guess i felt like geting clean of the week or whatever.. ITS THE WEEAAKS END blah.. GOD BYE TO ALL AND TO WHO SHALL COME MY WAY..

so its like i ironed my shirt and pants for my picture taking. woo i know how to iron my clothes! so yeah its about 2 by then so i go downstairs and leave for woodridge i played some guitar b4 leavein. soo yeah i got my white shirt hung it in the back of the yuppiewagon and got goin for my old neighbothood. when we got there , there was at least 4people ahead of me. some cute preppy chicks there, i stared at the pics on the walls-there was this one hot redhead's picture on the wall she was "gothy" lookin. umm sat in teh waiting room, umm saw a cheerleader haha (you could bring 2 outfits and/or a prop) i didnt have anything interesing.. one punk lookin girl had her guitar with her(fender strat).. they had some weird ass song playing in the waiting room its like i heard Wham! umm(dunno the band) mama dont dace and your daddy dont rock and roll its like what the hell... i saw the punk lookin chick dancing in ther seat and sing along, i couldnt help but bob my head and "mouth" the lyrics. I SAW MY SCHOOLS YEAR BOOK! it wasnt this years it was like last years, i dud the usual thing look for pics of the people i know.. looked for Shannon Meg... i looked threw it alot.. by the time i was hal way threw the book some girl from school had come in.. i didnt notice it was her, late late later on i realized it was one chick from my consumers class, i should of known she asked me if we had a test on Fri.

wel yeah the picture taking was interesting.. it slike i kept posing right and ..i smiled.. WTF? well i had to go sit bck down and change inot my 2nd shirt.. the first pics i took iwas sittin down and like stuff but the 2nd set iwas like kneeling upagasnt a litle stool and leaning aganst a wall... yeah b4 i took my 2nd set of pics the chick from school(Jennifer) had left she was like Bye real quiet as she left.

Ahh girls. iwas the only guy in that waiting room.. umm i saw the cheerleaders panties, isaw up her skirt to say-nice shade of blue haha. well what else is there? i guess thats it.

we went to the mcdonalds down teh street for uhh lunch i guess, then we were headed home, we got Al some food too double quarter pounder and we bout some soda at the BP. thats my day? well a new day arises tomorrow. take cares and much love

in conclusion

1. I love Marta!
2. Know your people
3. meat is bad!
4. Im Still Edge

Damn!

NO FUCKING WAY! my folks sang and drank till 12 thats sooo soo lame

so today was a fine day.. if i remember any of it.

woke up at like 5.50 didnt get to take a shower till.. 6.04 or sumthin

got to school, i found Jimjam and hung out with him and some girls he was with.. some kid told me there were candies on the lockers, its like HOLY shit there are candies on the lockers. it was some chick running for senior court, they had revotes today becuase some one stuffed the ballots 4thper i hear... later on i found candy.. she was sittin down on the ground near the spot i just stood there till they went to class, i gota quick hug and left.

jazz band.. no playing today, sait listned to 30sTm and drew the logo again(finsihed) after a while some other jazz guys came into the band room, i saw one hot red-ish haired chick, then Tim.. and ben. i got bored, stood by the door, Sam wa slike hes ot SxE on his bag.. and talked stuff, i dont quite remember. bell rang iwas off

ceramics fun.. worked ont he fretboard of my guitarplaque. talked with people listened to people talk.. not much fun

world issues umm yeah gramar stuff again. josh gave me warm locker candies it was ok yummy but ok. uhh um.. just did work the per.. i cant ermember.. i know there was sone weird shit goin on. oh yeah vocab quiz and we turned in our notebooks-i had to cross out the thing i wrote on my notebook because its like WOo haha..

umm consumers.. we really didnt do shit. i talked messed with the comp went on to my webjornals.. umm talked to jasmine a little.. stuck my tongue out at her.. Wo!.. oh yeah we did some work went over chap4 a little asked soem werd questions got some weird answers. geremy was ok today he talked about comp shit its like yeah Wo.

yeah b4 the per i aw Candy and kinda stood there, gota quick hug.

lunch. talked about fun stuff.. i really dont remembe what tho. i had snickers bar , gardettos and my usual slice. Homeroom brandon showed me his note to get out of school he had to leave for court at noon. yeah we talked about music, teacher did the whole schoool colours thing again.

AHH drill.. no fun...

Drawing fun.. i said HI to brenda. we finished up the circle drawings umm checked the sketchbooks. umm other stuff mike talked.. thats it i guess

In Closing

1. Iloooovvee my Girl Marta!
2. fridays are soo tiring
3. Being edge is ok!

in school

in school i slack
so does jack
we lack a certain tact
all day i wear black in school
jack wears white
he thinks hes tight
hes just too white

my firstie!

duude tester entry. TEST TEST TEST!!!!