something wicked looms over him

sometimes i just get so fucking lost in my music.
whether im playing guitar or listening to it in my room alone, blasting tunes on my laptop.
it just makes me feel better about things... or it takes me away to a different place where nothing bad can or will happen
sometimes im feeling like shit doing fucking bullshit chores for my folks- i watch the music videos on ComcastOnDemand (I LOVE YOU COMCAST) and it makes the chores all that tolerable.

And theres other things i can do that make me feel better.
im really not sure which is better though

one thing.. is fun out places and it.. makes me feel almost loved for once..
the other thing.. absolutly nothing matters besides the distortion and how my hands&wrists feel while im doing that.

sometimes one of the things conflicts with the other.. like just troubling thoughts. just thinking of it and what may or may not and will not happen.. its just all d.. dumb.
BUT sometimes its like i get caught up, and get lost in.... it.. i mean just looking... makes me feel happy and think different. and the touch is.. i don't know how to discribe it but.. the word intoxicating comes to mind. And yet NOO matter how fun it is i can not help but let it trouble me. YES it is a new expierence to me overall but in the end.. its really nothing..? im not sure. i could spend hours thinking about it. im not losing sleep over it, its just there and it will be untill it decides to leave.


i did my best to keep the subjects of this rant as vague as possible, if you figured it out your a speical person and deserve a smoke.


the thought of it.. ending is sad. but suprisingly almost expecting it to.